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It's important not to live on 'what ifs' but going to St Joseph's could and should have been a much more positive experience. 

Having deliberately flunked exams to escape St Joes as soon as possible, in my early 40's I decided I really ought to get some qualifications because I knew I wasn't "stupid" as _ had liked to highlight at every opportunity in front of the class.  I now recognise that was all part of his coercive controlling behaviour, to make sure I was as afraid of him as possible and thereby minimise the risk of my speaking to my parents about what he'd done.  There was just no escaping the guy. He went to our church. He lived near me. "Befriending' my parents was also a classic abuser tactic and as my academic career evaporated before their eyes, I'm pretty certain they sought his advice on what to do with me. Such a nice man in their eyes, I'm certain.

Anyway, I like to try and count my blessings and had it not been for _,  I wouldn't have taken such a rocky road. The thing about rocky roads is that on them, you encounter rocks.  My wife is one such and I'm very blessed and thankful that she's had the patience to help me unpack some of this stuff.  (She's as much a victim of the abuse I encountered by the way. She shouldn't be having to put up with all the rubbish that occasionally comes to the surface.)

Regarding education, it came as no surprise to me that I was able to sail through an Access course (A-levels) and get to university as a mature student.  However, getting into campus for a 9 a.m. lecture where the lecturer would swan in late and talk about who wasn't there last week began to grate a bit and I decided I'd bail out because I'd sold my first bit of writing. I didn't need a degree for that.  

The arts was something I would have relished had it existed at Birkfield (St. Joseph's) but as I recall, our career choices were rather imaginatively, the army, Navy, RAF or banking.  I remember many a boarder skulking at the back of class drawing military hardware in their jotters and realising that these poor kids had issues of their own too. 

Anyway, life handing out lemons has always been my cue to attempt making some drinkable wine. It's a difficult thing to do and takes time and miracles but as the weird Brother Ives once said, 'Remember that God can turn any evil situation to his own advantage'.  That was one of only two interesting things that caught my attention at that school.  

As I write, there appears to be a gradual process emerging of former pupils coming forward as De La Salle continue to stay silent and attempt, it seems, to remain unaccountable for the sins of their past. You can't have it both ways guys. God either favours the poor (that includes us survivors FYI) as you teach, or He favours the abuser.  It seems to me that DLS would do well to come clean now, rather than get taken to the cleaners later.  Abuse survivors are highly trained experts in doing things the unnecessarily hard way though so, y'know, your call DLS/St Joes. 

I know there's a lot still to come out for many of us and I know all too well it's deeply unsettling to realise the past wasn't anywhere near as rosy as we like to paint it. Apologies if I have triggered anyone. 

Once again, if any other former (or current!) St Joesph's pupils need to tell their story to someone in confidence re ANY type of abuse experienced there, either this blogger or the police are here for you. It takes an enormous amount of courage but you'll find you're not alone. 

Take care.